Friday, October 31, 2008

Halloween 2008

This year Halloween was a blast. I finally live in a neighborhood where the kids can run up and down the sidewalks and get ridiculous amounts of candy. And with there being over 600 plus house in this subdivision - the candy lasts passed 7pm... not like on Mountainview!

My sister and I joined families again for the second year running. And although we were missing Kayla and Skylar, the kids had so much fun.

Genavieve was a cowgirl (although she kinda looked more like a redneck Dorothy)

Ashlyn was decked out as an Egyptian princess... and looked stunning! And Mackenzie was a gorgeous good witch!

But the show stopper to the evening...

Was of course Sandra Dee and Danny Zuko...

My sister had the brilliant idea of dressing the two little ones up to show homage to our absolute favorite musical (Gabriella and Troy ain't got nuttin on these two!)

We never realized what a HUGE hit it would be. People were stopping the duo on the street, calling friends and husbands out to the front porch, and taking pictures of our adorable pair.

Brylee strutted her stuff in her little poodle skirt and cardigan and kept the glasses on all night (she is walking a little sideways now). And Ryker was such a trooper, sporting his "T" Birds jacket and trying to walk in Chucks that were a size too big.

At first Ryker was totally confused, why we were walking in the dark and going to everyones house. But it only took a few before he got the hang of things. He was walking up to every house saying "Unnnnnnn Candy! Unnnnnnnnn Candy!" (translation - want candy!)

Brylee had the cute factor all bagged up and said "Twick o tweet" and "Cank You" perfectly!

It was such a great night. We got home and mom had prepared this huge spread of goodies for all of us. We are already making plans for next year... Prom Queen and King?!?!

Shout out to the Hubs...

Evidently I struck a nerve yesterday with my post. Innocent as it may have seemed, my husband was a bit perturbed.

So I am posting a correction. My husband did not ignore my phone calls earlier this week when I was suppose to meet him for lunch. He was working... very hard might I add... as he as been doing non-stop for the last couple of weeks. Deadlines at work have been insane and my wonderful, hard-working hubby bears the brunt of it all. And so as much as he would have loved to have lunch with me and the Monster... he couldn't get away and couldn't even get to his phone. In fact, I don't think he ate lunch at all that day.

There seems to be a lack of praise on my blog for Hubs. In case any one doesn't already know - my husband is the best. He is all the things women look for wrapped up in a wonderful teddy bear package! He is honest, hard-working, an amazing father, a great communicator, would give me the world if I asked for it, and manages to put up with all my BS.

I just think that I should put all that on record. I struck gold when I landed this one, ladies. Even if he won't put up the blinds... (see what he has to put up with?)

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Let's Give Them Something to Blog About

Things on the Simpson Front have been pretty quiet. I haven't had too much to talk about... no terrible toddler tragedies, no super sexy book signings... I'm running on "E". Luckily enough for me though, gas prices have dropped drastically!

The kids are all a buzz about Halloween, I have started work at Pepperberries and use my week as a 5-day weekend. I haven't stayed home a single day. You would think that being a stay-at-home mom, I might actually keep my butt at home every now again - but NOPE! Not me. Since I have given up my weekends to the wonderful world of retail, I feel a need to do ANYTHING but be home during the week.

Monday - Got the kids on the bus and went to Fredericksburg. I just sorta piddled around, checked out a couple of thrift stores and was home in time for the kids to get off the bus.

Tuesday - Got the kids on the bus and went to Manassas. I had plans to meet my husband for lunch, but since he ignored my phone calls, Ryker and I did Wendy's and I hit the Kohl's, Old Navy, Bed Bath and Beyond trinity of shopping. Some jeans,boots, and a few fluffy bath towels later, my afternoon had gone and I had to hurry back to meet the bus.

Wednesday - My mom and I met my Grandmother for lunch at Grioli's in Bealeton. Ryker was a terror and threw french fries and ketchup everywhere. Then he was kind enough to get sick on the sidewalk outside the restaurant as a nice parting gift to the already-frazzled waitress.

Thursday - Back to Fredericksburg... that pesky task of being home by 3:15 for the kids kept me from hitting Ulta and Kirklands Monday. Task accomplished today.

Friday (tomorrow) - Believe it or not, I just might stay home. Well, for part of the day anyways. I do have to run out to Wal-Mart for candy and to Kohl's in Culpeper (I have Kohl's cash rewards that is burning a whole in my pocket!)

You would think with all the running around I did this week, I could have done that. But you can only squeeze so much in between the hours of 9 and 3pm! Plus add the fact that I am gallivanting with a toddler... it complicates things that much more.

And then this weekend... I am back to work at Pepperberries.. helping other people shop and playing with all the fabulous things they have in the store.

I don't mind working, in fact I am really loving Pepperberries...I just have this thing about having to be committed to something. What can I say, I'm a free bird. Well, between the hours of 9 and 3pm at least!

Monday, October 20, 2008

Too Hot for Borders

So I can't decide if I am really that big or if Susan is really that small. I am leaning towards the latter.

Suz's book signing at Borders in Warrenton was a HUGE hit - she nearly sold out of books and the adorable GM Adam wants her back!

It was such a blast hanging out and being Suzy Q's bitch - another coffee, Boss Lady? Hows about some water? I got this personal assistant thing down!

Next stop Richmond...

Friday, October 17, 2008

It's a sad, sad day...

Well, I am officially pouting...

Ryker didn't make the WFLS Baby Idol Top 10. Despite my best efforts to pimp and hussle my son to stardom, our dreams fell short. And my dining room will remain home to the kiddie tent instead of the gorgeous dining room set I was planning for!

I guess someone has a bigger address book than I do... although its hard to imagine.

Thanks to everyone who voted and put up with my obnoxious emails over the last few weeks!

I am off to invent some other way to furnish my house...

Anyone wanna buy a t-shirt?!?!

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Ryker Mania

As most of you know I have been shamelessly promoting my son in 93.3 WFLS's Baby Idol Contest.

I have sent out hundreds of emails - many of which have elicited the response, "And you are?!"... and yet I still persevere.

I am honestly not sure anymore if it is the dining room set from Powell's Furniture I am after or the glory and gratification I would get in being the winner... er, Ryker being the winner.

A lady at Wal-mart today commenting on how cute my little man was. Usually I just smile and grin and think in my head "If you only knew how bad he was!!" But today, I turned into a Pimp.

Yep, thats right. I am a pimp.... a hustler... a shameless pageant/contest mommy... Before the lady could even get her compliment out, I was telling her she needed to go to and vote for him. (You should do the same - RIGHT NOW)

It has gotten so bad, my girls are thinking of ways to "promote" their baby brother. They want to make up flyers if he makes it to the TOP TEN and wear shirts that say "VOTE FOR RYKER" to school and all over town.

We are working on making Ryker Simpson a household name... an official brand... I think I need to get some Ryker Fan Club shirts made up. It is Ryker hysteria over here!

I'm telling ya folks... RYKER FOR PRESIDENT!

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Pic of the Day

Ryker obviously doesn't subscribe to the old adage -
"You can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family"

Conterfeit Fan Club T's Order Form

Please complete order form below and submit.

Shirts are $15 each plus shipping.

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Thank You!



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Monday, October 13, 2008

All I Want for Christmas...

This morning my scale and I had a date. After some harsh words and throwing my drink in it's face, the relationship is finally over. I just can't deal with a liar.

Surely it isn't so. Obviously it was the 20 lb. towel I had wrapped around me. So I fully disrobed. Hmm... that Martha Stewart bath sheet has to weigh more than ONE POUND! Something is going on here.

I think it may just be my fat ass.

Whether or not my scale needs to be calibrated, one thing is for sure. I've been packing it on. And of course nobody has the balls enough to tell me.

"No sweetie, that sweater doesn't look like a maternity shirt. Its your stomach that does."

No, my friends are too sweet for that. And my husband? Not a chance. But he does enjoy showing me every notch down on his belt he achieves. My belt tells a sadder story. Four notches ago on my favorite belt, I was at my lowest weight. Just before my wedding two years ago. I've gone up and down on the belt holes in the last months, but this morning when I looked down to see what notch I was entering, I wanted to cry! Or take my belt off and beat my son with it and blame him for the "baby weight". (Ok, not really... you all know me better than that!)

So Ryker is 18 months old now - how long am I allowed to use the excuse "I just had a baby?". Judging from the hoards of friends that literally just had babies and are slinking back into their 'prepregnancy skinny jeans' - I think the excuse has reached its expiration date.

I was doing so well before I moved to Culpeper and my Jazzercise addiction came to a halt. Now anybody that knows me, knows exercise is not my thing. Most of my friends and family would never put exercise, addiction, and Courtney in the same sentence. Shopping, addiction, Courtney... yes, but exercise no.

But I loved it. I loved bouncing around to all the latest songs and pretending I wasn't a mom of four and out at some club instead. I made great friends, sweated a whole lot and dropped quite a few inches. And I miss it. And I miss the fourth notch on my belt too.

Culpeper is great and I love the new house... but Jazzercise is over 35 minutes away at best, so I feel lost with out it. The pounds are not lost though - I need exercise to keep my young girlish figure svelte.

So whats a girl to do? I am forgoing any sodas, chips, ice cream or anything that is generally not good for me but I eat in excess anyways. I am substituting for salads and all things rabbit-esque that might help me slim down a bit.

And as for exercise... well that's where the Christmas wish comes in. I'm not asking for lipo or a tuck (although I would gladly accept if offered)... I want a membership to Powell's Wellness Center. It is the nicest gym facility that offers a whole spectrum of classes that may just help fill my void for Jazzercise.

And since the place is a little swanky, and pricey... I have turned it into my Christmas request. So Hubs, mom and all others who care to contribute - put down your shopping lists and help support the "Courtney Needs a Gym Membership" Fund - hurry before I fall off the belt richter scale!

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Wanna join the club?!

If you haven't already run out and bought Confessions of a Counterfeit Farm Girl by Susan McCorkindale - then what the hell are you waiting for?!?!

And if you have and you are absolutely loving it as much as the rest of the population, then welcome to the Club...

The Counterfeit Fan Club that is....

And nothing says official like a FAN CLUB T-shirt!!

Glitter Text Graphics -

Get 'em while they are hot! Go ahead, everyone is doing it. And you don't want to be left out, now do you?!?!

Check out Susan's website and blog and see what its all about!

Email me if you would like a shirt - $15 plus s/h if you need it sent somewhere!

We are open for business people - please form a single file line.

Thank you.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

The Price of Blogging

So this afternoon I was on the computer, tweaking my blog, reading other blogs. Oblivious to my son and my niece. Surely my husband, who was in the same room as they were was watching them, right?

Yeah, not so much. My niece Brylee (who disappeared for pictures) and Ryker climbed up on the table, got a glass of Koolaid my daughter had at lunch and proceeded to drink it.

After Ryker made an attempt to drink it out of the glass and spilled it everywhere, he just proceeded to drink it off the bench.

I don't think any amount of Shout will be getting this one out.

And Rykers face and belly and hands are permanently stained I believe.

Brylee said that Baby Ryker was bad bad... but here is the mess she had been fingerpainting in. How do I know you ask? Well her hands are stained red too.

And as for the bench - it is also stained a lovely shade of red, courtesy of Koolaid and the unsupervised babies.

I should pay better attention - or my husband should hire a nanny. Something.

Speaking of which, where are those damned kids?!

Friday, October 10, 2008



Thanks to all the support of wonderful family and friends, Ryker has made it to TOP 20 on WFLS Baby Idol Contest!

Please help me keep the voting momentum going and continue to vote everyday. You can vote from home and from work! I know we all have busy schedules, but your support is appreciated so much!

Go to and vote for Ryker - #3 and get him to the TOP 10!

Lots of Love~

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Confessions of Confession

Tonight I went to my dearest friends first book signing.

Susan McCorkindale, author of Confessions of a Counterfeit Farmgirl

This lady has moved and inspired me for a long time. Here is the letter I wrote to her tonight. Everyone should know how fantastic she is. And everyone should go buy her book, several in fact!

Dear Suz,

Can I just say you are fabulous? Your book is fabulous, you look fabulous, your spirit is fabulous, your friendship is fabulous. You just ooze the stuff from every inch of your cute self. I never imagined that being a part of something as trivial as the Claude Thompson PTO in Marshall, VA would lead me to such greatness. Greatness being you, and trivial I use lightly... we all know the Mafia is the shit!

Tonight you glowed. Everything was perfect. The backdrop, the wine, the friends, the outfit, the book... THE AUTHOR! You looked stunning in your hot little Lou-Lou number and those come-f*ck-me stiletto suede boots. Definitely too hot to be sitting behind a table, but I guess thats what ya came for.

I know it might not carry much weight coming from a housewife - but I am SO proud of you. I was so proud to stand in that room, sporting my Fan Club shirt and be your friend and a part of your life. We have seen alot of ups and downs in our short friendship, but since the first moment we met, I felt like you had just been a part of my life always.

Now before I start sounding like some sappy love-sick stalker - hear me out. It is not everyday you meet a tornado face to face. I never imagined one person could burn with such fire and energy all the time. Even at times when you probably wanted to crumble inside, you never did. You bring people up. You make people laugh. You make people wish they could be a part of your circle. I am so glad that you extended that circle to Culpeper to include me!

You are fabulous Suz. You deserve all the success and happiness in the world... and from the looks of tonight, it is right at your doorstep!

Congratulations Baby!

I love you!

Mary Pat Warter - The Best Damn Principal EVER!
The Fabulous Susan McCorkindale
And Yours Truly!

We Came, We Saw, We Conquered...

A while back I wrote a post about my love for all things consignment and the WeeCycled Wardrobe Consignment sales. I made mention of a lady... who I lovingly called Hoarder Whore... that snatched clothes off the rack, regardless of what they were and then proceeded to plop her ass on the floor and go through her piles in the middle of the aisle. We didn't like this lady.

Never did I imagine that I would find a similar beast amidst my very own family members.

Hi, Mom. I'm talking about you.

I made the offer several weeks ago to help my mother clean out her garage. I use the term garage loosely, because it has become more of like a spider-invested twisted gift store. A while back she used her garage to display and sell her Home Interiors items. It has been quite some time since those sales, but the tables and the "stuff" still remain, pushing the limits of the garage to a whole new level.

When my mom raises her garage door, I am sure the neighbors are thinking that this woman has a sickness and she probably also has a dozen or so cats roaming around inside. Her garage definitely gives off the appearance of "crazy cat lady" and makes you think of those loony lonely old women that collect everything, including felines.

The saddest thing is my mother is completely sane (well for the most part, but that's a different post). She doesn't collect cats and the inside of her home is surprisingly tidy and beautifully decorated.

So when I offered to help her clean the garage, I simply did it to gain favorite daughter status.

I can happily report that I am #1. After this post however, my ranking might slip.

It started Sunday morning. I arrived at 9am, gun-ho and raring to go. I pushed the button on the garage door to go inside.... and as the metal door slowly went up, my little heart sank. Jeez - this was going to be impossible. I made my way through the obstacle of junk to the door, and tried my best to put a smile on my face and keep up my enthusiasm.

Hoarder Whore, er, Mom was in good spirits and even had a hearty breakfast prepared for us. I couldn't devour too much because I knew the sausage gravy would surely weigh me down and inhibit my abilities to perform miracles.

We got started on the garage, dragging things out to the driveway so we could clear a path and at least get a since of where we should get started. The work was arduous and dirty - I have never seen so many dead spiders, crickets and festering eggs in all my life. We employed a shop-vac to suck up all the little dead monsters.

About an hour into it, the driveway looked like we were having the biggest yard sale in history, but the garage still looked hopeless. We chiseled away at everything, trying to group things together, condense half-empty bins and clean our way through the jungle of spider webs.

Somewhere around 11 o'clock, I went to go put away a pile that had been collecting inside the house. I nearly knocked myself out as I continued to proceed through the door that didn't budge. Haha... surely I was mistaken and didn't turn the handle fully. Try again. Nope, handle is not moving. Door is definitely locked.

"Hey Mom, is the front door open?"


"Hey Mom, do you have a key outside or in your car?"


"Hey Mom, where is your purse?" (Because my mom is famous for leaving her purse, her car keys and anything else a burglar might like in her unlocked vehicle where ever she goes)

"Inside. Why?"

"Oh, because we are locked out."


I will kindly shorten what was a three hour long ordeal. We jiggled every lock and window on the house, came to the conclusion that there are no spare keys mysteriously hid anywhere, nor did anyone else possess a spare key, and even employed her criminal-esque neighbor to try to pick the lock. An hour later, and one beat up damaged lock, we conceded and called a locksmith. He was about an hour away but promised he would rush to get to us.

So what else were we to do? We continued to clean and cross our legs in hopes our bladders wouldn't give out. The locksmith arrived another hour later and after about 30 minutes of fiddling with his bag of tricks and $75, he opened the door and let us in.

My mom said it was a small price to pay for a clean garage. She later did not feel so jovial when she found out my sister, who was only about 30 minutes away at the time, did in fact have a key.

We continued our cleaning and de-cluttering regimen. You can't imagine how much stuff this woman had in her garage. From hundreds of dollars worth of Home Interiors items, to Tupperware out the wazoo, to a collection of snowmen that would make the North Pole jealous, to a elephant's weight in magazines. It seemed endless.

But finally, about 8 hours after we began our journey - this was the result....

My mom was able to pull her vehicle in her garage, for the first time EVER, since she's owned it - that has been three years.

As you can still see, the garage is lined with innumerous boxes and shelves of "stuff", but its a world better than what it had been. After two trips to the dump, a massive Goodwill donation, and my van filled to the rim of goodies I wanted - we cleaned and cleared the garage.

I have threaten my mothers life if the garage ever gets to a state of such disarray again.

So Ma, am I still #1?!?!

Sunday, October 5, 2008

From Opera to Cowboy Country

I have always thought I had a very eclectic taste in music. Growing up I listened to everything from rap to country to Disney Soundtracks. Even now, I can listen to just about anything and appreciate it... I mean geez, I fell in love with Neil E. Boyd singing opera for heaven's sake!

I will admit though I was not enthused when my husband told me that his office party was a "western" theme and featured a country band straight from Jackson Hole, Wyoming.

So Saturday night, we headed off to this themed office party decked out in our cowboy hats and boots (yep, broke out the boots for the second weekend in a row). My husband works at a company at the Manassas Airport that specializes in aviation-related things. So the party, like all others we have been to, was in the hanger.

Surrounded by airplanes and helocopters doesn't sound particularly up-scale, but ya'all haven't had the pleasure of going to an OADS event. From the chivari chairs to the burnt orange taffeta table linens to the massive floral arrangements with fresh cranberries to the five star buffet spread to the open bar- it was quite impressive. The Rogers spare no expense when they throw a party!

Throughout or meal, I saw a number of men walking around in cowboy hats and tight wranglers that looked way too comfortable in their attire. Most of the people who dressed up more resembled something fresh out of a costume shop with their boots, lariats and straw hats.

I figured this was the band that was flown in from Wyoming for our evening entertainment. Having lived in Texas for a few years, I was use to this type of cowboy... not a bad sight, although I am concerned for certain parts of their anatomy that are definitely not getting the room to breathe that is necessary.

Promplty at seven - the band came on...... The Bar-J Wranglers

Yee-haw. Are you excited yet? Yeah, me either.

But then they started singing.... and playing every instrument under the sun. Bass, steel guitar, fiddle, harmonica, banjo, acoustic guitar... everything.

They introduced themselves as lovers of "Cowboy Country"... not to be mistaken for contemporary country or bluegrass. Its much farther west than that.... evidently.

I spent the first three songs trying to figure out who was the owner of the deep gravely bass voice. I figured it was the cowboy playing the bass, but then they all started talking and was suprised to find it was the cute little blonde hair guy in the blue shirt. He just didn't seem to belong to a voice like that. Especially with a name like Danny.

Not only could these men sing, and play all sorts of instruments, but they were hilarious. It was like a Cowboy Comedy show too! For two hours they entertained us with songs, and jokes and stories. It made you wish you lived on a working ranch somewhere in Wyoming so that you could sit down with these fellows at night aournd the fire with a can of beans and some coffee and listen to their tales.

My husband and I laughed so hard that our cheeks hurt at the end of the performance. The highlight was one of the brothers, Bryan who was the sarcastic one. His one-liners never let up and he kept everyone in stiches.

It turned out to be a really great night and I left the party a huge fan of Cowboy Country and the Bar J Wranglers. They run a sort of dinner theatre way out yonder in Jackson Hole where they do this show every single night.

Check out their website -

Ken and I are thinking about planning a trip out there. We have a free trip we won from OADS at the first Christmas party we went to... again, the owners are VERY generous.

All in all - we had a great night, sans kids. We go to escape not only from the kids, but from reality for a bit. We kinda felt like we were in another time or place listening to the Bar J Wranglers perform. The highlight of the evening, was ofcourse the proceeding picture...

Because who wouldn't love being the only cowgirl in a mix of six real Western Cowboys???

Saturday, October 4, 2008

A Typical Saturday Morning

7 Am - Ryker didn't get the memo that Mommy had too much wine at Suz's house last night and needs to sleep in.

7:22 Am - Mommy elbows Daddy to alert him to the baby's screams, that are growing more desperate with each passing second.

7:29 Am - Daddy stumbles out of bed and goes to get "his son".

7:30 Am - Daddy returns to the bedroom with whining baby, who is no longer crying, but saying Mama incessantly.

8:10 Am - Mommy finally crawls out of bed after an extensive game of elbow hockey with Ryker - several bruised ribs and a black eye later - she concedes that sleeping in is not going to happen today.

8:14 Am - Ryker throws the bottle of Excedrin that Mommy so desperately needs in the toilet. Mommy's rage and screams finally get Daddy out of bed.

8:20 Am - Kids are eating breakfast, Ryker is smashing banana all over himself and his highchair. Mommy drinks coffee and searches for another bottle of Excedrin.

8:45 Am - Ryker empties out the dog food bowl on the floor, gets his butt smacked and positioned in time out.

9:30 Am - Daddy slinks downstairs, uncertain of the state of mind that Mommy is in this morning. He quietly eats his eggs, knowingly walking on metaphorical egg shells.

10:10 Am - Daddy leaves for Marshall to fix his brakes and rectify the dead sticker he has been riding around with for three weeks.

10:40 Am - Evidently Mommy spends too much time checking email - because this is how Gena and Ryker have been spending the last bit of their morning -

"Lets not tell Daddy about the sparkly skirt and pedicure, Ok Gena?"

"Ryker, please stop twirling. Yes, yes... it is very pretty. Let's go watch some football, son."

Friday, October 3, 2008

WFLS BABY CONTEST - Vote Now, Vote Often!

This plea goes out to every one -

So I entered my little man Ryker into WFLS baby contest - number one because I think he is just about the cutest thing that walks the earth, and two because there is a helluva price package!

So please please please please.... go to this link, fill in a quick little registration with your email address and vote for Ryker - he is #6 on the website - the little boy in orange with a devilish little grin and some seriously styling spikes! (see above)

You can vote more than once - but only once in a 24 hour period - so if you love me and/or Ryker or just have too much free time at work - vote vote vote EVERYDAY!!

If he makes top 20, I will be harrassing you all again - and if he doesn't, well then I will be busy pouting.

So go to this link ya'all - mama needs a new dining room set!!

PASS IT ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Not Such a Bad Day

I just wrote a pretty angry blog about the course of my evening.

After writing, I took a moment to reflect.

Good things that happened today:

1. My baby boy is not sick. After a hours of puke and fevers yesterday, I am so thankful today that he is back to his busy little self.

2. I found out that the local FANTASTIC gift shop is hiring for seasonal help and they are interested in me! Yay! Although Ken is concerned that the paycheck won't cover the tab I run up!

3. The kids and I had a fantastic afternoon of playing Hula-Hoop Roll (new game Mommy came up in one of those damn Momiphany moments - clarity and creativity are hard to supress - this time it turned out ok)

4. One of the two families of deer graced us with their presence in our backyard this afternoon.

5. While making dinner, I spotted a double rainbow outside the window. Later I found out that Ken saw the other half of those same rainbows across town on his way home.

6. My hubby surprised me with a "Just Because... " card - which reminds me I should probably forgive and forget tonights TV mishaps.

7. My baby boy is not sick :) He gave us smiles and cuddles tonight before bed.

8. I am happy, healthy and blessed. I have four remarkable children sound asleep upstairs in their beds, a wonderful husband probably worrying about Fantasy Football stats in the living room, and a dog that needs to go out from the smell of her rear.

What more could a Mother of Mayhem ask for?

TiVo Time Out

I have been watching the show for weeks.

Wading through all the mindless, talentless fools they parade across the stage next to their equally mindless, talentless fool host Jerry Springer.

I have vowed to boycott the show if my favorite didn't win, and up until this night, I have not had to take such drastic measures.

Tonight was the FINALE of America's Got Talent...

And talent it does have... in the name of my boy... My Neil E. Boyd!

Can you see me doing my little happy dance?
I just love this guy. There is something about his sincerity. I wanna be his friend. I wanna give him a big hug and make him sing for me. Nothing romantic about it - I have my own big boy... but I think Neil and I are soul mates - we have a real connection. In fact, I think he might be searching my blog right now.

The tension and dramatic effect was high for the season finale... the producers had us on the edge of our seats. They cast off the bottom three.. and then there were two.

Eli Mattson and Neil E. Boyd stood on the stage together... cue the smoke and dim the lights...

Jerry Springer - "And this years winner of America's Got Talent is.... " (insert game show music here and a very long agonizing pause... )

You are waiting with baited breath, right?!?

Yeah, so was I... sitting on the edge of my seat with my fingers in my mouth nearly biting my nails off. My mind flashed back through all of Neil's incredible performances. I thought, how could America be so cruel, to bring my sweet teddy bear so close, only to take it all away... it wasn't possible...

I gritted my teeth and prepared myself for the outcome.. and then...


The friggin TiVo gets a mind of its own and flips to FX.

And I lose my mind. Now I will admit in hindsight, I may have possibly overreacted just a scoutch... but I thought my husband was screwing with me. So I practically propelled myself into his lap mid-scream...

"Its not f*cking funny Ken!" - (note I never call him by his name unless I am really pissed - its always baby or Kenny)

Ken, trying to speak through his laughter- "I didn't do anything - it flipped over to record Sons of Anarchy" ... which is by the way- quite possibly the most pointless show on FX these days, I can't stand it - even if Peg Bundy does play a great part as one shady bitch.

And I knew in that moment of TiVo relapse, I had missed my moment... er Neil's moment, or maybe Eli's... I didn't know.

And I did it.

I stomped my feet.

Crossed my arms.

And threw the best 27 year old hissy fit I could muster.

I mean afterall, I had logged alot of man hours into this show. And I missed the big moment, whether it was Neil or not.

The hubs, still in shock from my fit, flipped it back just in time for me to see the confetti falling down on Neil.
He won. Yippee. Hoo-rah.

The moment was gone. And I still had my arms crossed. I pouted for the rest of the show, and only Neil's final note of Nessun Dorma could crack my stone face.

At least my guy won.

"Ken" on the other hand is still being punished for finding my fit and the TiVo mishap so friggin hilarious. And as for TiVo - you're in time out too.