Today is my Dad's birthday. He would be 63 today.
But for me, it was like any other day. I woke up this morning and immediately remembered what today was... but as usual in my house, I'm never able to sit still long enough to really let difficult things sink in. I went about my day, running the kids to camp, to a doctor's appointment, the grocery store... always busy. And the weight of the day escaped me.
As usual though, when you ignore something it tends to come back and kick you in the ass with a vengeance. After running at max speed through the grocery store, I hopped in the car in a rush to pick the kids up from church. The radio starts playing "If Heaven Wasn't So Far Away".
....cue the tears....
I miss my Dad. But more importantly I hate all the things he has missed.
I wish more than anything he would've had a chance to meet his only grandson. I wish that adorable little stubborn boy of mine could have known his Papa. I can't even imagine what Ryker would have meant to my Dad. Or all the fun and experiences they would have shared by now.
I honestly believe that even though they never met, they share some type of connection. Ryker has a small birthmark on his arm, and we have always told him it was an "angel kiss" from Papa. Ryker talks about my Dad like he knew him and he tells me all the time how he misses him.
Everyone does... my sweet baby girl tears up every time the topic of my Dad is brought up. She was only two when he passed but she has retained memories of him to this day.
My Mom still cries for my Dad. I know she is lonely and missing him all the time. I can't not imagine the heartache she feels from losing her best friend and partner.
Tonight, five of his grandkids sent up balloons to Heaven. We stood in my back yard and sang Happy Birthday. It wasn't long before Papa caught the balloons and we could no longer see them.
It melted my heart to see them looking up to the sky, loving and remembering him.
I just hope he knows, that no matter how busy life gets, we have not forgotten him.
Happy Birthday Daddy...