Saturday, July 23, 2011

Enough already...

The last few days in Culpeper have been hell... literally. With temperatures topping out at 104 degrees and the heat index over 120 degrees, what's a girl to do? Especially a girl that is supervising five children?!

This week while my sister is basking in Bermuda's beautiful beaches (and significantly less humidity) I have been watching her daughters (plus two of my own). No big deal because I am super Mom and what is three more? Except these poor kids can't step outside without their little dirty faces melting off from the heat. Any attempted outside adventures have lasted less than five minutes and result in the need for large amounts of ice water and popsicles!

For the kid's last day together, I figured we would have a day at the pool (because you can't really feel the sweat when your swimming in it). Great idea... I gave myself a pat on the back for being such a great mommy/aunt and braving the heat to give the kiddos a fun day!

In the words of Julia Roberts.... Big mistake. BIG! HUGE!

We arrived at the pool right at 11AM (because last week I was turned away when the pool was "At Capacity" and I wasn't about to miss out today). I was a few minutes early so it didn't alarm me that no one was there yet... you know how employed teenagers are these days. And I figured the lifeguards were still recovering from a Monster energy drink binge from the night before.

At 11:15 more people were arriving and we were all huddled under a small bit of shade the club house offered.

11:20 - Getting more annoyed. I put a call into the property manager. No answer, left voicemail. Sent email.

11:30 - I have now sweated off about 12 pounds and the kids have drank every bit of liquid I brought for us. Surely they would be here soon. Surely the manager would call me back. Surely.

11:55 - Why have I stood out here for so long? The kids are dripping with sweat. I keep thinking I have bugs crawling up my legs but its actually the sweat running down my legs. I have a brief argument with the receptionist at the property managers office who swears that the manager is in but just isn't picking up the phone.

Me- Are you in an office setting... can you go find her?
Snooty Tooty - I'm not allowed to leave my desk to do that.
Me - Is your office air conditioned? Because this sidewalk isn't and I would like to know why NO ONE is here and why I can't get in touch with ANY ONE!
Snooty Tooty - Would you like to hold Ma'am?
Me - No. I would like to swim. Can I talk to a supervisor?
Snooty Tooty - I'm sorry Ma'am, this doesn't constitute an emergency and our supervisors are to be contacted for emergency's only.
Me - It will be if I don't talk to someone.
Snooty Tooty - Please hold.

And I leave another message for a supervisor (although the bitch probably put me through to the janitor or something)

Noon - Drag the crying, whining, slick with sweat children back to the car because I am officially DONE!. And they cry and whine more because they are hot and want to swim. I relent and agree to wait 10 more minutes in the comfort of the 95 degree car on the leather seats that have now reached hot lava status.

12:15 - Carol calls from the property management company (and claims she is a supervisor but I'm pretty sure she was a janitor still) and apologizes - like it matters at this point. Both guards simultaneously called out at 10:45 and new lifeguards are on their way and should arrive in a few minutes.

Furious, annoyed, demonic... these are all words that only briefly describe my state of mind at this point. But seeing as I have waited for an hour and a half, what is a few more minutes. I call an order in for pizza since the kids haven't had lunch yet and resolve to make the best of a crappy day.

And so we wait.

And wait.

A little after one, I am ready to explode. Again, why am I still waiting? I think it was a matter of pure stubbornness. I refused to take these sweaty little kids home without submersing them in some type of water. I refused to deal with tears and disappointment of five kids who needed to get in that pool as much as I did.

I call the property manager for one last bitch fest... and luckily for them, they closed at 1pm. Convenient.

At 1:30, I lose all hope and am ready to forgo the pool, the pizza, the day! And then a little angel car pulls up and out rolls two red-suit-clad lifeguards. And the pool company manager that is unforunate enough to encounter me, who has now been waiting for over two hours. Again, why did I wait that long? Oh yeah, now the pizza man is here.

Evidently, there are no lifeguards they could call locally and had to dispatch them from Alexandria. Which by the way... the darling supervisor/janitor knew at 12:15 when she called me and told me the would be here in a matter of minutes.

The gates of heaven opened up... well the pool gates actually and after waiting another agonizing ten minutes for them to test the water, we were able to swim. We all jump in feet first anticipating the refreshing relief of the pool... too bad it was like warm bath water.

We all swim for a while. Breaks are agonizing because the moment you get out of the water, your skin begins to sizzle. The kids complain they are hot. I lovingly respond, "Deal with it. Swim and like it."

By four o'clock, we all have sweated and swam long enough.

Thank goodness for the comforts of air conditioning... walking into the house was like an oasis of wonderfully blessed COOL!

But again today, heat indexes up in the 120's. And me? I'm comfortable in the AC and any ideas of the pool have long escaped me.

No comments: