Wednesday, July 27, 2011


This week I was so excited for Ryker to start his swimming lessons. He has grown by leaps and bounds this summer in the swimming department. He can swim a pretty decent distance under water without help, float on his back all by himself, and tread water a little bit. No more floaties or vests at the pool for him. Even still, I thought it would be good for him to be taught by a real lifeguard (and not just me throwing him in the deep in... sink or swim, son).

We had to be at the recreation club at 8:30 and arrived right on the nose. I signed him in and proceeded to head over to the benches to watch my little Michael Phelps in the making. I was immediately intercepted by the Parks & Rec director who told me that parents had to wait outside of the fence during swim lessons.

Of course, me being me, questioned the reasoning for this. She advised me that it is for the child's safety and to help the lifeguards instruct the class more efficiently. When parents are close, the children are easily distracted.

Ok, seriously... we are talking about a class full of four year olds. The pool is intimidating enough as it is without these little kids worrying about where their mommy is! They are suppose to jump in the pool, with an instructor they don't know?

Not wanting to cause a scene at 8:30 in the morning in front of small children, I hung my head and took my spot on the outside of the fence. Unfortunately the sun was rising on yet another scorcher of a day and beaming its sizzling rays where all the parents stood waiting... like little puppy dogs waiting to get picked up at the pound.

My son's class then moves to the opposite side of the pool where I can barely catch a glimpse through the chain links.

Forty five minutes of being exiled... standing in the dew drenched grass in flip flops, sweat rolling down my neck, and not being able to see my son's impressive dog paddle. And on being distracted? Ryker must have asked the instructor 20 times where his mommy was.

I don't know what it is about a pool, the heat and ignorant people (life guards or parks & rec directors) but I seem to black out and turn into Monster Mom.

I proceeded to express my unhappiness with the situation with the director after class was over. And since she had been standing in the shade the entire time, she was very sympathetic. Or not. In a pointless maneuver, I am revving up my argument and she stops me in my tracks, "Look Mrs. Simpson, its pool rules. Like it or not. You can come back tomorrow or would you like a refund?"

At this point I did in fact want a refund, but more importantly I wanted to argue. And rub my sweaty armpits all over this condescending bitch :)

But for the second time that day, I hung my head and stomped off to the other side of the fence to get in my furnace-mobile and go home. To the comfort of AC.

Ryker will now be taking private swimming lessons.... in the bath tub.

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